


it comes and goes in waves

by mexican_torpedo



Category: Constantine (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Coping, Drawing, Fluff, M/M, breakfast in the mill house
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 09:42:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15946751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mexican_torpedo/pseuds/mexican_torpedo
Summary: your name is alex. you’ve been exposed to the world of the occult for about two years ever since you were attacked by a demon soul seller. the only reason you’re alive is because john constantine saved your life.or the one where you feel in debt to john and your growing feelings become more obvious.





	it comes and goes in waves

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was meant to be in the eyes of a male reader, but i was rereading and it really could be either female or male, just change the couple of pronouns here and there and it won't really matter. i tried to be as specific as possible when writing this character, so if y'all see something wrong call me out. this takes place as if constantine hadn't met zed and just continued on. hope y'all enjoy!

your name is alex. 

  
you’ve been exposed to the world of the occult for about two years ever since you were attacked by a demon soul seller. the only reason you’re alive is because john constantine saved your life and also managed to help you unlock your power of mind manipulation and telekinesis to defeat the demon. you can sway others emotions slightly and push them to tell the truth when you really want it. you can also read minds but specifically when a person’s thoughts are relatively loud or when all of your concentration in on one mind.    
  
in your eyes, you practically owe john your life, so you decide to stick with him and learn to use your powers for good. you were also previously abandoned and had nothing to your name, so when you met john it was a beacon of hope to live. now, you’re living with john and chas at their mill house and working everyday to improve your powers with their help.    
  
it’s a bit difficult for you because of johns adventures in exorcisms and monster fighting with chas. you don’t go only because john doesn’t want you to hurt yourself. he says that you’re still learning and that it’s not a good idea to push yourself when john and chas are perfectly okay with handling it by themselves.   
  


but there are times when you call bullshit when they come back after a particularly gruesome mission where chas died and constantine almost died and couldn’t save whoever they’re trying to save. you three end up arguing until chas starts to side with you and you send him to bed because the man just died and he needs rest. john, though, stubborn git he is, doesn’t drop it and your shouting matches end up giving you a migraine and john apologizes for being reckless but still won’t take you because of it.    
  
your growing feelings don’t help either. as someone whose been cast out of his family, you’ve learned not to let any men or women into your life, but with john it’s different. at least from your perspective. you’re pretty sure he’s considered trying to sleep with you before but you always back out somehow before things go too far. it’s a heart wrenching dance and you wish you could stop, but every now and then you get waves of sentimental emotions from john and you’re reminded that he cares about you in a slightly different sense. from the start, you made a promise to never use your powers on john aside from the waves you can’t help but receive, the same goes for chas. 

  
today though, starts out pretty good. you wake up with four hours of extra sleep on top of the four you usually get, and take a relaxing shower. then on your way to make breakfast, chas has gotten a head start and you join in immediately.    
  
“someone’s eager to eat,” you tease and chas side glares you with a grin.    
  
“morning alex. just trying to make things easier for your mornings,” he explains as he hands you the carton of eggs.    
  
you grab the first three and crack them into a bowl and mix them.    
  
“thanks chas, but you know i don’t do much so i figure this is the least i could do,” you say thankfully.   
  
at this, chas gets a bit serious while he finished making a stack of pancakes. “you know, there’s no need to repay john anymore - or at all. he sees it as his duty to help people and i’m sure he doesn’t expect you to repay him.”    
  
“i know, but i’m staying here basically for free and he won’t take me on missions with you guys so you’ll just have to put up with my migraines and cooking and cleaning,” you say honestly and smile while trying to lighten the mood while making the eggs.   
  
it works because chas chuckles and you finish making breakfast in companionable silence.   
  
when you’re done helping chas set up, john comes out in a white tank top and boxers and you can’t help but admire his physique. john catches you and you turn back to the food.   
  
“see something, mate?” he flirts with a smirk on his face as he sits in front of you.    
  
“yeah,” you clear your throat, “these pancakes chas made are delicious,” you say as earnestly  as possible.   
  
“thanks!” chas sits down with a carton of orange juice and pours some for each of you.    
  
“i’m sure there are tons of other delicious things to taste too-“   
  
you cut him off by choking a little on your juice. he’s apparently in a playful mood because you just got a wave of desire from him.   
  
“john, we’re eating. can you wait till later please,” chas rolls his eyes at the coy smile he gets from john.   
  
“what? i’m just stating facts.” at that you try not to blush but you’re pretty sure you’ve failed.    
  
in the midst of eating, chas gets a call. his face turns grim, and then determined. “i’ll be there as soon as i can,” and he hangs up.   
  
“what’s up?” you ask, feeling a general panic from him.   
  
“renee called saying geraldine’s been hurt, a broken leg from an accident while walking home from school. she said she wants to see me to feel better. guys i’m gonna head out right now.”    
  
you and john trade looks of agreement and face chas whose scrambling to finish his food.   
  
“do you want us to go with you?” you ask.   
  
“it’s alright alex i can handle this, it’s just a broken bone, but she gets scared easily and i want to be there for her.”   
  
“alright, give her our best and don’t bloody crash on your way there, be safe,” john says clapping a hand on his shoulder.   
  
he nods and gets up to go to his room and heads out with a small bag, his keys, and a tight lipped smile.    
  
after the door closes, you and john finish your food in peaceful silence. getting up, you take yours and john’s plate to the sink and clean up the rest on the table. surprisingly, john gets up and goes to start washing dishes. usually, gets up to light a cigarette and fiddle with old magic. you’re eyebrows shoot up in surprise and john sees your face and rolls his eyes.    
  
“sod off, i’m trynna help out, you know?” he says while scrubbing a pot.    
  
you decide to push to get back at john for earlier.    
  
“actually, i don’t know,” you tease, faking being in deep thought with your hand on your chin, “maybe you can explain what you mean a little more?”    
  
john chuckles and grabs another dish. “alright fine. thank you for the breakfast, luv.”   
  
that’s not at all what you expected. usually it’s a ‘piss off’ or ‘you know what i mean you bloody wanker’ not a thank you. definitely not a thank you. and the change from ‘mate’ to ‘love’ is different but of course you’re going to play it cool.   
  
“you’re welcome constantine, it’s about time you say thanks,” crossing your arms, you lean against the counter a couple of feet away from him washing the last dish.    
  
“yeah, well, i heard you with chas.” busted. “you don’t owe me anything, alex.” you freeze like a deer in headlights as he finishes and turns to face you.    
  
“john, i-“   
  
“nope. you don’t get a say in what’s in debt to me, i already have a list,” he got pretty close to you all of a sudden and you’re getting pretty nervous. you’re not good at this and you’re stuck as to what comes out of your mouth next.    
  
“you have a choice in what you do with your life and gift. you chose to stay here and by no means does that come with a bloody price...well except for when you try and exorcise demons with me, but i’m not letting you just yet,” he’s sending out a caring wave and it’s kind of overwhelming you. you’re panicking, this is too much at once. 

  
“i- i- uh- okay yeah,” is all you manage to get out before you book it to your room and close the door.   
  
immediately you feel bad because for the first time in a while you’ve received a genuine caring feeling from john just for you and you just bailed. but now your head hurts and you sink down onto the floor with your back against the door.   
  
your mind picks up traces of confusion and guilt coming from john and that makes your migraine worse and your stomach twist. you run your fingers through your loose black hair and sigh as you feel hot tears stream down your face. that escalated quickly.   
  
standing to go to your bed, you decide to wallow in self pity and try and sleep out the migraine.   
  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

by the time you wake up, it’s around 1 pm. the headache faded to a small buzz in the back of your mind, but you still don’t really want to get up. reaching for your phone, you check the latest local and national news just to see what’s going on in the world. it’s not enough to keep you occupied, so you bring your sketchbook and pencils to you with your telekinesis. 

  
the first thing that comes to mind to draw is of course john. it kind of sucks thats your first choice because of what happened earlier, but you think he’s hot and that’s what you focus on for the sketch. you establish the main geometric shape of his face and set to work on his features. you keep in mind his hard english lines and scarred brown eyes. his hair is drawn with careful strokes with a bit of disarray thrown in.    
  
content with the way his face looks, you outline his prominent trench and try to make it as realistic as possible; clothes aren’t your strength when drawing.  you finish your sketch and contemplate starting over. you like his overall figure, however some of the details are a tad off. ‘whatever,’ you think, ‘no one’s gonna see this anyway,’ and you flip the page of your sketchbook.    
  
you start to scratch out the beginning of the view of the mill house when you hear tapping on the door. there’s no one else here except constantine, so there’s no mystery behind it.    
  
you hesitate. you’re still embarrassed and guilty over wanting to repay john but it’s only in your nature, especially after what’s happened in your life.    
  
“...come in.”   
  
“just coming to check on you,” johns smile is small and tight lipped.    
  
“uh, thanks. i’m fine,” he sits at the foot of the queen bed giving you plenty of space from where you’re at leaning on the headboard.    
  
“you see, luv, normally people mean the opposite when they say that...” he explains with furrowed brows and concern.    
  
you give him a slight glare but you know he means well so you lighten up as much as you can.   
  
“dude i’m good for now,” you say as john gives you a look saying he calls bs.   
  
“alright fine.” you pull your knees up to your chest and wrap your arms around them. “you know i wasn’t used to being helped out when i was on the streets, so all your help means a lot to me, john.”    
  
his eyes soften and he scoots closer.   
  
“it means so much that sometimes i feel like i need to repay you or else i’d be using you, because if you hadn’t taken me in, i’d probably be dead-“   
  
“oi don’t say that,” he interrupts suddenly, kind of angrily, “you’re too smart to let yourself rot, we both know that.” he stares at you and it’s too much that you have to look away.    
  
“plus, i was bound to run into you, i woulda found your handsome face sooner or later,” he says obviously flirting, but you sense he’s being honest.    
  
“john,” you squeak because you know you’re blushing and flustered.    
  
“well it’s true, luv,” he drawls in his prominent accent, “i tell it like it is, you’re incredibly easy on the eyes.”   
  
you’re about to melt into a puddle, johns making your heart race. you’re about to get stuck again, and you try so hard not to.   
  
“mmm you have to convince me because i don’t see it and i refuse to use my powers,” you say honestly. it’s apparent johns had a thing for you these past couple of years and you reciprocated the attraction, but you don’t understand how he’s attracted to you.   
  
“cmon luv, you’re amazing!” he exclaims with a grin when you look up. “it’s not that your just attractive, i know you’re smart enough to not get killed, which is rare for people who associate themselves with me, talented, and kind hearted. we all know one of us has to be for the both of us, and it sure as hell ain’t me,” he says laughing. you laugh too because it’s true.    
  
“i still don’t believe you,” you partly tease as you stretch your legs because you like hearing him compliment you, it’s humbling him.   
  
“will this convince you?” he asks curling his index and middle fingers under your chin and tilting your head towards him as he closes the distance between your bodies and slides up next to you.    
  
he’s centimeters away and he stares into your eyes. you can feel his breath on your lips.   
  
“probably,” you say with your eyes lidded in johns trance.   
  
“alright then,” and he closes his eyes and you close yours. he tilts his face and brushes his lips ever so slightly against yours, and it’s like electricity sparking between you. it’s delicate, and you whimper just a tiny bit as his tongue finds its way into your mouth and from there it’s an exploration.   
  
your tongues dance and you feel his 5 o’clock shadow against your clean shaven face. snaking a hand to the back of his neck, you pull him closer and deepen the kiss. you elicit a moan from john; it’s music to your ears. he grabs onto your hip and slowly crawls over you while not breaking the kiss. he’s kneeling above you and you wrap your arms around his shoulders to bring him down. 

 

as john lays against you, the kisses get more heated and you start to feel his arousal creeping into your mind. he breaks the kisses and noses his way down your jawline.

 

“ _ alex,”  _ he moans and that’s when you snap out of it. 

 

“mmm john,” you say gently pushing him up so you face him, “as much as i want things to go further, i think we should stop for right now,” you explain with red cheeks, slightly embarrassed.

 

“alright luv, i can wait for however long you want,” he says earnestly with a soft smile. you read adoration from him as he searches your eyes.

 

you can’t help but smile as you run your fingers through his choppy dirty blonde hair. you pull him down for one last kiss before he settles on top of you. john tangles your legs together and rests his head on top of your shoulder and your heart swells. he finds your hand and threads your fingers. 

 

“bloody hell,” he whispers, reaching his other hand under his side. he pulls out your sketchbook and looks up and grins at you.

 

“i didn’t know you draw you secretive git,” he says fondly and his eyes ask for permission and you nod because it’s john, he’s not gonna get upset at you drawing him, he’s not like that. 

 

“well,” you start as he opens to the beginning and flips through the first pages of sketches of plants and buildings, “it helps me clear my mind.”

 

“these are bloody fantastic, luv,” and you hear the slight amazement in his voice. 

 

he stops when he reaches the sketch you made of him earlier. he lightly runs his thumb over your knuckles.

 

“you took the time to draw me? i’m flattered,” he explains.

 

you chuckle because you think he’s being sarcastic.

 

“sod off alex, i mean it!” he smacks your hand he’s was holding playfully, “i like the way you draw my hair,” he trails off, impressed. 

 

“well since you like it i guess it’s good,” you say teasing him and he laughs; you feel his vibrations in your chest. he tilts his neck slightly to see your drawing at a different angle and you can’t help but bend down and kiss him there. 

 

“mmm i’m just kidding,” you rest the side of your head against his, “thank you.”

 

“you sarcastic wanker,” he says fondly as he turns his head to kiss you properly.

 

“yeah but you like it.”

 

“damn right i do.” 

 

the two of you settle back and john buries his face in your neck and you nose his hair. it’s the best feeling you’ve had in a while and peaceful waves fill the air. you can feel john falling asleep, and you pull your blanket up and find yourself slipping into sleep too. 

  
  
  
  



End file.
